One feature of the betrothals in the Scripture is that the father (or representative) of the bride does not spend months, or even days or weeks, on considering the proposal. No specific reason is given for this ‘haste’, but Scripture gives us some clues:

Pro 13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

While the proposal is ‘on the table’ (as it were) the relationship between the parents must of necessity be strained. The longer that the proposal is considered, the greater must be the tension and anticipation. And if the proposal is turned down after all that time… Or even if it accepted!


Another reason is one that is addressed by the question of community and covenant. When Abraham sent his servant he addressed him to ‘his family’. When God instructs a widow in her marriage he makes the bare qualification ‘in the Lord’. Those of us who have been married know that you don’t really know your bride before marriage… and indeed don’t really get to ‘know’ her except during the years of life together. How presumptuous that any sort of inquiry could reveal to us whether that young man is ‘right’ for our daughter.

Obviously one must determine if this marriage is ‘in the Lord’. Obviously if the father is a total stranger living in another area things may take longer. But if the father concerned has signed the covenant, then you at least have their word on it, and if you (or someone you trust) know the family concerned, then you have evidence of the fruit of their instruction; but in the end only the Lord can know their heart.[1] So let your ‘yes be yes’ or your ‘no be no’. Similarly to the situation in 'due diligence' we need to ensure that we have done our homework. Do we have a list of the minimum qualifications that a prospective groom must meet? Have we been looking around our church/covenant community and asking ourselves 'what if Georges father were to come to me'? Most of us, coming from a different background, faced (those women who are now) our wives with a question on the order of 'will you marry me?'. Did these women then, suddenly, face the question? Or had they prepared themselves before hand (indeed, wondering when on earth you would get around to asking!)? So must we do. We know the likely 'George's. We know their family, their way of life. Perhaps we need to be prepared to 'always be ready to give an answer'.