Php 3:17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. 18 (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: 19 Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)

In Scripture we learn things via two methods: Pattern and Precept. Precept is fairly easy to understand, even where it might face a series of objections. “Thou shalt not commit adultery”(Ex 20) strikes pretty much every Christian as a command they need to face; even where ‘I do not permit a woman to teach’(1Tim 2:12) might run into the fog of political correctness.

However the role of ‘pattern’ is less clear. Obviously we do not take our marching orders from everything anyone did in Scripture. However it is equally clear in Scripture that the actions of Godly men and women are to serve in many ways as rules for our own behavior. “Have you not read as this,” Jesus challenged the Pharisees, “What David did when he was hungry…?”(Mt 12:1-8) Peter tells wives to, “be in subjection to their own husbands…” explaining that this was how, “in the old time the holy women… adorned themselves” with Sarah having “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…”(1 Pet 3: 1-6).

So when we look to how to get wives for our young men, and determine who to give our daughters to, we need to not only look to the precepts laid out in Scripture, but the pattern that holy men followed.

We see in Scripture many people getting married; but we see remarkably few examples of the process. We are working on a page called 'all the marriages in Scripture', but for detailed examples there are remarkable few.

The three key examples that we have as primary are that of:
1) Adam and Eve
2) Isaac and Rebekah
3) Christ and the Church
Each of these marriages illustrates the principles we are espousing here, and pointing to as normative.

Some examples may be normative, but lack some details:
1) Joseph and Mary
2) The father in the parables of the marriage feast




Other examples (a partial list), that we have as secondary, or oppositional are:
1) Samson and the Philistine woman
2) Jacob and Leah/Rachel/Bilhah/Zilpah
3) David and his wives
4) Dinah and Shechem

Each of these examples, while having perhaps some positive traits, differs from the normative in signifigant ways, with the expected results.

Some marriages in Scripture fall outside of the questions we are asking here, for example:
1) Ruth and Boaz
2) Onan and Tamar
3) Esther and Xerxes
The first two of these are levirate marriages, and thus outside of the question we have here(that of never married before) (leaving outside the continuing validity of levirate marriage, which we don't address), The third follows a common pattern (we could add Sarah and Pharoh, etc.) of 'kingly' marriage; where a king has the authority to compel a girl to marry him.


A series of binaries:

In examining the role of pattern and precept in the act of marriage, there are a series of binary propositions that need to be dealt with; and the Scriptural pattern/precept discerned:

1) Is it the role of (the father) or (the son) to choose and/or seek out a wife?
2) Is it the role of (the father) or (the daughter) to evaluate a given proposal?
3) Is the initial acceptance meant to be (irrevocable) or (a statement of direction).
4) Is a wife (a necessary part of) or (an addition to) a young man's life?
5) Is the emphasis to marry (in youth) or (when we are prepared)?